Finding "Joy"

How do find that elusive emotion "joy"?  It is has been 11 long years since the heart wrenching triple loss of my loved ones.

The loss of my Dad in March 2001, my husband on 9/11/01 and my brother in August 2003, had thrown me into such a depth of darkness that I was sure I'd never come out of it.  My life was unalterably changed forever.

If you have followed the stories in my Blog, you know that I have surely survived by learning how to deal with so great a loss and the all consuming grief that comes with it.  Little by little, I noticed that emotions and feelings were making their way back into my life.

Yes, I finally laughed again, I listened to music again, I socialized with friends again, my memory and recall returned, I could read a book to the end!    I found that I could feel happy again, the marriages of my two children, the successes and happy events in the lives of my friends and family.  I felt happy to attend social events again.

So, where was that elusive emotion of joy?  I have asked myself this question for years.  At some point, I just figured that perhaps feelings of the excitement and anticipation of joy would not return.

It took a really long time, but the feelings of excited anticipation returned ~ I began to feel the stirrings of excitement in anticipation of feeling joyful.  For nine months I waited with excitement and anticipation for my joy to arrive.  Yes, God sent my joy in the form of my first grandchild.  An overwhelming, explosion of joy, wrapped up in that little bundle, my Grandson, Peter Joseph, Jr.

So my friends, I believe, if you have faith, that in time all of those feelings you thought were gone will come back to you.

Until next time, the clouds will clear and you will find your way ~
Paula